another words from my mind

psomeone said that am the only one who spent my parent's money in my family. why? cause since i was little, i'd already taken my own decision to decide on something which related to my life, my future. for example, when i was 7 i said to my mum that i decided to take an english course, &definitely mum said yes. (FYI she's typical of parent who always says yes for educational things. am grateful to have her. but waitttttt..... lemme explain why i write this post. yesterday me and the person who said the first sentence of this post had a fight. he choked me up with his-amazing-words. but i can say nothing, i just dealt with it.) then about 2 years later i felt bored, i thought that it isn't a good condition anymore to continue my course, i thought it just wasted her money and my time, so without my mums permission, i resigned from that institution and i thought to find another fascinating one. i always did the same thing, hmm lets say until now!!! why until now? check it out. am one of the economics student, i've studied at faculty of economics for a year. nothing wrong with economics actually, economics-is-just-not-my-thing, i found no passion in it, i tried to stay, to survive, but i won't give the maximum result in the end. so, i said to my mum that am thinking to change my major, and i decided to change it with Law. at first she didn't agree, she told me that i just wasted my time during a year if i change my major. but i explained to her patiently, everything what i felt. and finally... she said yes :)

i admit that statement is true, i don't wanna be a naive person who don't wanna admit my badass but at least i'm trying to make my own decision for my own life. thanks for made me realize that am a troublemaker in family, and big thanks for motivating me to prove that all of the money which spent for me won't be in vain, thanks a lot man! but i wanna tell you one important thing, it is not about i can't facing the economics stuffs, i proved i can. it is also not about spending my mums money, but it's all about satisfaction. satisfaction for finding your passion, satisfaction to live your life well, &satisfaction to get the best result for what you've done, for what you believe. 

I'M SORRY.......

Sometimes, i get jealous thinking that someone else could make you happier than i could. i guess it is my insecurities acting up. because i know i'm not the prettiest, smartest, or must fun and exciting. but, i do know that no matter how hard and long you look. you'll never find somebody who loves you like i do.

“I cannot think of any need in childhood as strong as the need for a

father’s protection.”

—Sigmund Freud

more than a letter

Dear dad,

I couldn't fathom that i would ever be without you. when you left, i lost a part of me. I missed your voice and your strong arms around me. who's gonna accompany me when i can't sleep? who's gonna accompany me to watch a new movie when everybody busy with their own life? who's gonna teach me how to drive well? who's gonna tell me that math very important? who's gonna remind me to study algebra? and who's gonna buy me a stunning dress? ....and so on :( i know you were not a perfect one and neither am I, but now i'm begging you please don't leave, i'll do anything to keep you, right here with me, can't you see how much I need you?

God, listen.. tell him that he's got a home and he don't have to go

God, save him.. I would do anything in return

ps: I'm still your little girl and proud of it.

♥,

Frida

"Family quarrels are bitter things. They don't go by any rules. They're not like aches or wounds, they're more like splits in the skin that won't heal because there's not enough material."

happiness?

Hey Jealousy!

Tell me do you think it'd be all right
If I could just crash here tonight
You can see I'm in no shape for driving
And anyway I've got no place to go

And you know it might not be that bad
You were the best I'd ever had
If I hadn't blown the whole thing years ago
I might not be alone

Tomorrow we can drive around this town
And let the cops chase us around
The past is gone but something might be found
To take its place
Hey Jealousy

And you can trust me not to think
And not to sleep around
If you don't expect too much from me
You might not be let down

Cause all I really want is to be with you
Feeling like I matter too
If I hadn't blown the whole thing years ago
I might be here with you

no one wants to deal with jealousy, as well as me. everything just happens from inside of me, and unfortunately I was not able to control it. honestly, it is so annoys me, and in the end I have to deal with my own self about what I feel.